So I’m turning the tables on this post because you usually hear from me/the med student’s perspective. But this time I asked my partner to share his thoughts with y’all, so here’s what he had to say:
"Neither of us quite knew what to expect from medical school. It has definitely been a long-term commitment and can feel like everything else in life can be put on hold. Sometimes our relationship can feel that way too. Most visits have to be planned around academic schedules and there's not much flexibility, so as a partner, communication and patience is key. We have had to work on managing expectations but also making sure the other person feels prioritized.
Some keys for a Long Distance Relationship:
Know you and your partner's love language (I've linked the quiz here). Hailey's are acts of service and mine are words of affirmation, so it's helpful to know this and understand when she is showing love and how she likes to receive it, and vice versa. Long distance definitely grows a deeper understanding of how to make the other person feel loved. Obviously some of these love languages are harder to do while long distance (ie: touch, quality time) but it makes it all the more important to get your fill of it when you do see each other, and to hone the others while you're apart
Make dedicated time, even if its short, ie: we call every night before bed
Be upfront if there's something bothering you and don't let it fester (there's less body language cues over text/phone calls so just be explicit)
Some keys for the med student:
We’re on your schedule and you’re usually more busy/stressed so remember to schedule and call and keep your partner in the loop about when you have a busier or lighter schedule
I appreciate when Hailey is explicit and shares her schedule with me, when her schedule will be more chaotic or when she has more free time.
I feel heard when Hailey is mindful of when she is prioritizing med school over our relationship. I'm fully supportive of her chasing her passions, but it means a lot when she acknowledges it. Some boundaries she's set: stop work at a certain time of day, talk about things outside of school and getting out of the med world when we're together/being present
Some keys for a partner not in medicine:
As someone outside of medicine, this has definitely been a learning curve. As the partner of a med student, keep in mind you are their emotional support so do things to help reduce that stress (ie: do chores/make coffee, if long distance, write letters, venmo for coffee, just be patient since they are likely very busy in the hospital)
In the meantime, work on yourself and maintain your own hobbies. Trust me, finding ways to be productive makes the time go by way faster
Have conversations about the future and what their goals are/locations for residency and what's realistic but overall, be ok with the unknown and delayed gratification."
Comments